The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
