East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
