... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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