...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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