the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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