I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
