I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
