When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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