please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
