No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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