you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
