I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize