He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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