how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
