I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
