Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
