Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
whose parrot is this?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
