You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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