we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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