im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
