is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So much rum. So many feels.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
