i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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