just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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