Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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