I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize