Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
