she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
