I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
