worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
handjob tips. give me some.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
