either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
