i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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