super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
