Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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