At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
