We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
