There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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