my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
