Little spoons don't ask big questions
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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