I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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