You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize