I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
