my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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