This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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