butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't turn off my feet"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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