New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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