Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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