I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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