She announced her abortion via fbk
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
