i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
