we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
