Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Are we still banned from the library?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
