So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
