John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize