They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
