3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
