Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
