ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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