She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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