so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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