Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
