Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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