and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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