happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have already put on my inside pants.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
