why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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