New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize