True but thats because hes a fetus.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
