I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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