Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
