yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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