State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
