I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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