i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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