I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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