Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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