some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
